Saturday, December 1, 2012

Countdown to Bodhi Day

Despite the fact that I've more or less been a Buddhist for the last 3 years, I've never really done anything to observe Rohatsu, or Bodhi Day. Bodhi Day is the supposed anniversary of the Buddha's enlightenment under that fateful ficus. Of course, we have no way of knowing the exact date; much like Easter and Christmas, we simply take this arbitrary day to celebrate and reflect on this historical event. But since I live in a place where I could theoretically live my whole life without crossing paths with another Buddhist - and because I try not to take an "in your face" approach to my belief system - I usually just let holidays like this pass without ceremony or comment. 

But being without a temple also gives me an opportunity to be creative about how I practice, and that's what led me to try something new this year. I'm dedicating each of the 10 days before Bodhi Day to one of the 10 Paramis, or Perfections of the Heart. This is a series of attributes the Buddha listed as being requisites for enlightenment - that is to say, he believed no one could become enlightened without first developing these traits. They are as follows:

Dana = Generosity
Sila = Virtue
Nekkhamma = Renunciation
Panna = Wisdom
Viriya = Energy/Persistence
Khanti = Patience/Forgiveness
Sacca = Truthfulness
Adhitthana = Determination
Metta = Loving-kindness
Upekkha = Equanimity

Now, I've started rather late with blogging about this, since it's technically Wisdom day, but in the interest of energy and persistence, here is a brief summary of my efforts so far:

Dana, Generosity
   I cleaned out my room the night before and scrounged up all the old clothes and books I could find to donate to Goodwill. I didn't feel particularly generous in doing this, though. I came to realize that maybe generosity isn't so much about giving people a lot of stuff; true generosity is just giving without keeping score. Whether you're giving money to the poor or loaning those shoes to your sister for the umpteenth time, generosity means a lack of attachment to your "belongings" combined with compassion for someone else's needs. 

Sila, Virtue
   This was the day I learned that the harder you try to pay attention to your sila, or moral behavior, the worse your opinion of yourself tends to be. All day long I counted flaw after flaw in my behavior. I was unfocused, I was lazy, I gossiped at work...I noticed that tallying up my actions as if they belonged in "good" and "bad" columns was a good way to convince myself to give up altogether. The only comforting thought I ended up with was a paraphrase from a talk by Malcolm Huxter. The [event/emotion/action] is not your self. It is not you. Let it go, move on, and make better choices next time.

Nekkhamma, Renunciation
   I thought for a while about something to "renounce" for this day, but in the end nothing seemed big enough to be meaningful or small enough to be feasible. What I did come up with was this: renunciation doesn't always mean giving up something you have. All it really means is acknowledging that you don't need something. A lot of us could stand to renounce things we've never had - fame, riches, or that fancy car. The flip side of renunciation is to be grateful for and content with the necessities we do have. 

Panna, Wisdom
   Today I'll be re-reading one of my favorite Buddhist texts that aren't technically Buddhist - the Tao Teh King. But I'm also doing a little bit of my wisdom exercise right now, as I look back over what I've done so far and try to find some meaning in my experiences. People often tend to think of "Wisdom" (with a capital W, of course) as coming only from old books and dead guys with beards, but we've all had learning experiences in our lives. The "perfection" here is the ability to gather wisdom from those experiences and apply it in the future.

*whew* Long, boring, and vaguely pedantic now that I look at it. From now on, I'll be covering one Perfection a day, so hopefully it'll be less garbled when I have only one topic to discuss.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What A Pile of Shit

or, Why Drop Dead Fred is a Zen Master

"When something isn't working right, the best thing is to tear it apart to make it better." - Drop Dead Fred

Drop Dead Fred has been one of my favorite movies since I was far too young and impressionable to watch it. Of course, as a six-year-old, I was unable to appreciate (or even notice) some of the attempts at rude humor, but I still feel that the main messages of this cinematic triumph helped shape the serious, responsible adult I never will be.

For those sad many of you who are not familiar with the story, Drop Dead Fred is the name of the most irresponsible, uncontrollable, hilariously violent and rude imaginary friend you've ever not-seen. He initially befriends five-year-old Elizabeth Cronin to help her deal with her mean-spirited and overbearing mother, and returns twenty-one years later when a grown-up Elizabeth divorces her husband and (reluctantly) moves back in with her mother.

Strange behavior and "poo" jokes aside, what is truly admirable about Fred is his relationship with Elizabeth. He cares deeply for her, and his bizarre antics, though annoying at the time, are rooted in concern for her well-being. She has grown to be a quiet, weak-willed, "mousy" woman who lets others walk all over her. Fred pushes her toward making choices that are good for her, and that will ultimately make her happy, and he does it without vomiting up any Oprah-esque platitudes (though he does, at one point, pretend to vomit). He does crazy things and puts her in awkward situations because that's what she needs, but he never actually says that's why he's doing it.

According to Robert Fulghum, all the really important life lessons are learned in kindergarten, and we adults just need to learn how to extrapolate these lessons to our adult lives. While it's true that many things in life are much simpler than we like to think they are, I submit that sometimes the lessons we take away from kindergarten are the wrong ones. From cartoon fairytales to consumerist fairytales, sometimes the lies we're taught stick with us just as long as the truths, or longer. One of my favorite things about Drop Dead Fred is his way of tossing out little sayings that keep you wondering whether they make no sense, or a lot of sense, because they seem at first to be completely at odds with what we call "common sense."

So, since it is now nearly my bedtime, I will leave you with a few lines from the movie. To me, each one reads like a Zen koan: complete nonsense at first glance, but surprisingly insightful upon further inspection.


FRED: You never leave a party till the very, very end.
ELIZABETH: Cinderella left her party early. Remember what happened with her?
FRED: No, I don't remember what happened with her. I've deliberately forgotten everything about her; she made me puke!

FRED: Breaking a window takes great sophisticatedliness.

YOUNG ELIZABETH: Did they live happily ever after?
MOTHER: Of course, Elizabeth.
YOUNG ELIZABETH: How do you know?
MOTHER: Because she was a good little girl. If she had been naughty, the prince would have run away.
YOUNG ELIZABETH: What a pile of shit.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Take Your Protein Pills and Put Your Helmet On

Hi. My name's Ellie, and I'm not good at introductions. I'm not going to lie; I spent a long time wondering exactly how to approach this. I remember once in a college class my freshman year, the professor tried to break the ice by having us each describe ourselves in one word. Supposed to make us get to know each other and foster a friendly atmosphere for discussions. But seriously, who can describe themselves in one word?

Imagine having to choose your own first name. Sure, there are names that you like, but can you decide right now what you want everyone to call you for the rest of your life?
Matt? Ashley? Too boring.
Brayden? Madison? Too preppy.
River? Sunshine? Too...weird.

And that's pretty much how I feel about things like this. Sure, I want my personality to shine through; I don't want to put people to sleep. But I also don't want to look like I'm trying too hard. You know? Maybe it's a bit late for that.

If you're still reading this, I should tell you right now that I tend to over-think things. Not an "I'm incredibly intelligent and my giant brain gets in the way" kind of over-thinking, just a regular old "I'm indecisive and I prefer to stay in my own head" kind. So without further rambling, here’s the most succinct introduction I can manage –

I'm a college student, a musician, a Buddhist, an asexual, and a girl. That's right - no job, no morals, no god, no sex, no penis. It's funny to say it like that because in spite of all those negatives, it's not like I don't believe in anything. It's more like I believe in nothing. There's a kind of freedom in it.
Non-attachment is the end of suffering.
Nothingness is the canvas for Being.
Ex nihilo, omnia fiunt.